Family Torah Journal
An Eye for an Eye
I recently attended a talk where the speaker explained the famous “an eye for an eye” verse in the Torah. As society has become less barbaric, the rabbis reinterpreted the verse to mean one pays the damages for the eye instead of taking out the eye of the perpetrator as it used to be done in the olden days. I have a big problem with the fact that the Torah originally had the punishment of taking out someone’s eye. What does it say for the Torah if it began as a barbaric set of laws and only later, rabbis try to smooth it out?
Mourning After Kaddish
I have recently completed the year of mourning and kaddish for my father, and am left with a profound feeling of emptiness now that it’s finished. I know I can no longer say kaddish, but is there anything more that I can do or is that it?
Tabernacle
This time of the year, as I follow along with the readings of the weekly Torah portion, I have a lot of trouble studying the sections we are now reading that deal with the building of the Mishkan – tabernacle. First of all, I have a problem relating to it; how does a building they built thousands of years ago affect our lives. Secondly, why do these portions appear in the book of Exodus, which is the story of the Exodus from Egypt. Why are they not in the next book of Leviticus which deals with the sacrifices they brought in the tabernacle?
Miscarriage
We have been in tremendous pain the past few weeks over a miscarriage we suffered in the sixth month. It’s hard to describe the sense of loss, and we can’t help but feeling it was so senseless; why would G-d put us through all that anticipation and both physical and emotional suffering for nothing? We’re hoping you can offer some comfort.
Miracles
We read about all kinds of miracles in the Bible. I would have a lot easier time believing in G-d if I could see miracles like our ancestors claim to have seen. How come there aren’t any more miracles today?
Mikvah Scandal
I have heard that you are the Rabbi in charge of the Dallas mikvah, so I decided to address my feelings to you over the recent charges of voyeurism against a rabbi from Washington D.C. The widespread outrage this has fostered and its effects cannot be underestimated; so many women who were users of his mikvah feel violated beyond words, and especially his female conversion candidates who feel the very rabbi bringing them into Judaism was perverting Judaism for his own lusts and gratification. Besides their feelings of being violated. I, personally, feel I need some reassurance that such a thing could never happen in Dallas. I would also hate to think that the crime this rabbi allegedly committed would be a reason for them to consider no longer using a mikvah and thereby deny themselves the beauty of that mitzvah.
Mentch
I was very touched by a picture posted on AOL this week, showing a hooded African American man who had fallen asleep on the shoulder of a yarmulke-clad Jewish man on a New York subway. The picture went viral as many saw it as a restoration of real humanity in a place we all least expect to see it, and it was one of the rare instances when something nice actually makes it to the news! Was this religious Jew’s action (or inaction, by not moving and letting the man sleep on his shoulder) based on a teaching of Judaism, and if so which sources?
Mezuzah in an Apartment
You may have seen the story about the new statute in Texas allowing tenants to put mezuzot on their exterior doorways. Apparently, this was in reaction to a situation where a resident was prohibited from putting up a mezuzah by the rules of his apartment community. I was curious what Jewish law would have said about this situation. If a Jew finds himself living in an apartment complex that prohibits hanging anything in doorways, what is he supposed to do? Defy the ban and hang a mezuzah anyway? Move and incur substantial inconvenience, costs, and possibly lease violation penalties? Or do the property rights of the apartment complex owner simply override the biblical commandment?
Kosher: Meat and Milk
I would like to better understand the reason for the Jewish practice of waiting six hours after eating meat before eating milk products. Where is this in the Torah? Is eating them close together considered like cooking them together, which is very hard for me to digest (pardon the pun)?
Matrilineal Descent
Why do the orthodox base a Jew’s status on the mother and not the father? Shouldn’t the father be at least as important as the mother? Does the father have any effect at all on the status of the child?
Terrorism and the Loss of Jews
Since the discovery of those precious, unfortunate souls I have felt so weak and empty; this whole thing just is so senseless to have three young boys murdered for nothing. Although it might not be so fair to say this (I can only express what I feel), I sort of feel like we were robbed by G-d to let us keep on praying for weeks when those poor boys were already dead and buried; what’s the point of praying for something that is already gone?! Why would G-d keep us all in suspense and mental torture just to keep praying for nothing?
Terrorism and Jewish Death
The news has moved on to other matters and the recent tragic loss of the four rabbis in Israel doesn’t seem to be on the minds of so many; I think we’ve all become calloused and numb from so much killing. The three boys, the attack in a synagogue, terrorism all over Israel, Europe and America,those killed and maimed in all the bombing, ISIS beheadings, and the list goes on. I, personally, am still shaking over the fact that there was such a slaughter in a synagogue in our day and time that has the look and feeling of the way I’ve always thought about the time of pogroms and Nazi murders. I’ve been struggling to find something constructive to do about it and feel feeble to find anything that would avenge their deaths and perhaps provide some meaning for the future. Could you possibly offer some insight?
Prohibition of Leather Shoes During Shiva
I recently sat shiva for my father, may he rest in peace, and was reading the laws of mourning. One thing that struck me was the instruction to refrain from wearing leather shoes. It offered no explanation, so I did it just because it says so, but it’s been bothering me ever since. What do leather shoes have to do with mourning? Why are other leather garments such as belts and jackets permitted?
Comfort after Shiva
I just got up from sitting shiva for my mother, with whom I was very close. It was very difficult to stop sitting shiva; it felt like a connection. Now that the connection is gone, I feel very empty, and would like to know how I can find some connection and fulfillment.
Mother’s Day
Is it Jewishly acceptable or advisable to celebrate Mother’s Day?
Monetary Compensation for Damages, Pt. 5
My neighbor entrusted me with money to pay his bills while he was away for a couple of months in Israel. I neglected to pay his electric bill, which resulted in his having to pay late fees upon his return to Dallas. Does Jewish law require me to reimburse my neighbor for his late fees, since it’s my fault?
Monetary Compensation for Damages, Pt. 4
I was driving the other day and went over a puddle which splashed muddy water onto a friend, who now has to clean his suit. I offered to pay him, and he said it’s all right; it wasn’t my fault because I didn’t know there was a puddle. I would still like to pay him if Jewish law says I should. Is there a law about this?
Monetary Compensation for Damages, Pt. 3
I was walking down the sidewalk with my umbrella open in the rain and my neighbor went by with her umbrella and tore mine. Does she need to pay according to Jewish law?
Monetary Compensation for Damages, Pt. 2
A passenger sitting in the back seat of my car, which I had just parked in the street to drop him off, opened his door into the street without looking into the path of an oncoming car. The door was knocked off and much damage was done to both cars. He claims I should have warned him, since I have a rear-view mirror and should have seen the oncoming car. I say I never told him to open the door and expected him to look first. Is my passenger obligated to pay the damages?
Monetary Compensation for Damages
Recently my neighbor’s washing machine broke down late at night, and, knowing I am somewhat knowledgeable in such matters, he approached me to see if I could get it going. It seemed to me a minor problem that I could fix and I offered to do so as a favor. However, rather than fixing it, I wound up causing more extensive damage as I wasn’t so well versed in that brand of machine. I wonder if Jewish law requires me to pay for the damage I caused. Your prompt reply would be most appreciated.
Why are There So Many Mitzvos?
Why is it necessary to have so many obligations in Judaism? Why isn’t it sufficient to love G-d in my heart?
Mitzvah “Performance”
I often wonder about the mitzvah system — it seems so all-encompassing and restrictive, like every moment of the day a person has to worry if he is doing something right or wrong. Do you actually think that it’s a good thing never to be free to do as we please, but always to feel like we’re under scrutiny? Are you telling me that G-d wants us to live in a constant state of tension and worry, that this is the way to joy and happiness?
Building and Dwelling in a Sukkah
What are the specifications of a Sukkah, and when does one need to sit in it?
Mikveh Dishes
We received gifts recently of a glass Shabbat candle holder as well as a cake dish also made of glass. My neighbor told me that I need to take them to the mikvah for dishes. I didn’t know there was such a thing nor why I need to take them for a special dunking in the water. If it’s for dishes, then why take the candle holder – it won’t be used for food or drinks? I don’t get it.
Miscarriage
Dear Rabbi Fried,
I am having trouble coping and comforting my precious daughter for an overwhelming loss. With all the months of joyous anticipation of bringing a new life into this world, she lost her first pregnancy in the ninth month. I can’t comfort her since I, myself, have trouble understanding what is the sense of all this; it just seems so futile. Can you help us deal with this grief?
Mikvah Renovation Support
I have been solicited to donate towards the renovation project of the Dallas mikvah. My funds are limited, and I had in mind to give my donation towards a renovation project at our synagogue. Furthermore, I’m past the age that I use the mikvah, so I will personally not benefit from it, and I will from the synagogue. I’m not sure what the right thing to do is and am seeking your guidance.
Mezuzah on a Car?
I noticed a number of ads on the Internet advertising mezuzot for cars. It would seem that if a mezuzah is a symbol of one’s Judaism, one’s car would be as much a place to put a symbol as a home, but it just seems kind of strange. Is there a mitzvah to attach a mezuzah to a car?
Mezuzah
I’ve been wondering about the Hebrew letter shin on the Mezuzah cover. Could you please fill me in on its significance?
Meditation
I spent years as a devotee of Transcendental Meditation. I was recently challenged by an old friend about why I have traveled so distant from our own religion and why don’t I seek spirituality from the religion of my ancestors, Judaism. My response was that I’ve been Jewish all my life and attended high holiday services, etc., and never found anything spiritual about it. My friend’s rebuttal was that I never checked into it as an adult and have been sidestepping the issue based on my impression as a kid. Perhaps if I’d look into this as an adult with fresh, new eyes I would find deep spirituality in Judaism. That’s the nutshell version of our discussion. Since then, I’ve spoken with a number of somewhat educated Jews, and nobody has pointed me to anything that smacks of meditation or the like within the framework of Judaism. Before I give up, it was suggested to me that I reach out to you to see if you can say anything redeeming in this direction. If not, I rest my case.
Medical Procedures on Shabbat
I’ve been discussing with Jewish colleagues the traditional view of medical emergencies vis-à-vis the Sabbath, and which takes precedence according to traditional sources. I realize it’s not in the purview of this column to do an exhaustive analysis of this topic, but perhaps you could give a rule of thumb.
Medical Procedures and “Playing G-d”
There was recently discussion on the radio about the will of G-d for people to be sick and doctors treating them. If G-d made them sick, how can a doctor “play G-d” and cure them, seemingly in contradiction to His will? I know we Jews go to doctors, but is there an answer to this question?
Why Should I Get Married? Pt 3
My son has been living with his Jewish girlfriend for the last two years and is now talking about having a child. All my urging to get married first are falling on deaf ears, as they don’t see what they’ll gain by being married over how they’re living now. They don’t accept my argument that the baby would be considered illegitimate. I would much appreciate any insights you have for me to relate to them.
Why Should I Get Married? Pt 2
My son has been living with his Jewish girlfriend for the last two years and is now talking about having a child. All my urging to get married first are falling on deaf ears, as they don’t see what they’ll gain by being married over how they’re living now. They don’t accept my argument that the baby would be considered illegitimate. I would much appreciate any insights you have for me to relay to them.
Why Should I Get Married?
I’m a happy single Jewish guy and don’t, personally, see a reason for getting married. I’ve been in very meaningful relationships, some of them long lasting, and I feel all I would want to get out of life and marriage I get from them. I don’t feel the need to go through all the hassle of raising children. As you can imagine, I’m put on a guilt trip at least once a month by my mother, but I’m not planning to get married out of guilt. Do you have a good reason why I am wrong?
Maimonides
Who was Maimonides and what are his “principles” that I’ve often heard references to?
Lunar Calendar
I’ve often wondered why the Jewish calendar is lunar, unlike the secular calendar which is solar. Is it that we have some connection to the moon rather than the sun?
“Luck” in Judaism
You once wrote at the end of a column, “best of luck.” As far as I know (from my own understanding and from hearing the teachings of a Rabbi on the subject), Jews do not believe in “luck.” The rabbi’s reasoning is that “luck” actually requires randomness, fortuitous “chance” and an assumption that nobody and nothing is in charge. Judaism’s core is “Ad-noy Ehad,” “ein od mi lavado,” there’s no power but G-d. G-d is the very fabric of all there is, and is continuously re-creating all. Luck is a contrary belief to His omniscience. I’m sure you know all that, but I write just because I always find it interesting when our language, even of trivial phrases, runs against our actual understanding.
The Jewish Definition of Love
Some of us have been discussing the meaning of love, which, it seems, is a pretty elusive concept. Could you give us a Jewish definition of love?
Love and Marriage
I was recently married to a wonderful man; from the moment we saw each other it was one of those “love at first sight” stories you think only exists in fiction. Now that we’re married, I’m more concerned that the love should continue “at second sight.” I know too many people for whom it didn’t last, and I want to do things differently. Is there a Jewish way to help ensure that our love should endure?
Love of G-d, Pt. 2
In your previous article, “Love of G-d,” you mentioned: “The more we give of ourselves to Him, the more we will feel connected & become as one.” Please expound on that idea – how do we give of ourselves to G-d?
Love of G-d
I have recently begun some Jewish study and ran into a question. In the Shema prayer it says you should love G-d. From all I’ve grown up with and understood about love, the kind of behavior called “love” doesn’t jive with G-d. I don’t see how my love for my girlfriend is what I should feel for G-d. I hope you understand my question.
Love at First Sight
I am 37 years old and have been looking for “Mr. Right” for a long time. Two weeks ago I met a man who feels it was love at first sight, and we want to get married. I’m torn about it, because I also feel like I’ve fallen in love with him, but it’s been such a short a time. Does that matter, and does Judaism have a way to tell if love is really love? He’s a nice Jewish man and I don’t want to lose him but also don’t want to do the wrong thing.
Life vs. Life
One of the most beloved ideals we uphold is the utmost value that we place on human life. What do we do when we have to choose between two innocent lives?
Let me set out an example: Someone is driving along a narrow cliff road. That person is coming around a bend at a reasonable speed. At the same moment a cyclist is rounding the same bend on his bicycle from the opposite direction. Then, at the worst possible time, the cyclist loses control and heads straight into the path of the car. The driver’s only two options are:
attempt to brake (but will still hit the cycler with deadly force), or
navigate the car off the cliff (which will cause certain death).
Although there is fault on both sides (the driver should have slowed down more and the cyclist not lost control), neither party meant to harm the other. Whose life should the driver choose?
COVID and the Preciousness of Life
From newscasts I have seen it would seem that Orthodox Jews, who value the preciousness of life above Shabbat or any other value, are not adhering to the most basic CDC regulations, such as the wearing of a mask and gathering together en masse without protection? Is there a reason in Orthodoxy for this?
Living Will
I’ve enjoyed reading your column over the years in the TJP. One question came to mind that perhaps you can answer. There’s been a lot of discussion over the past few years regarding the importance of Living Wills for various reasons. Does Judaism have a clear position on whether or not this is a good thing to do?
Life Decisions the Jewish Way
I’m wondering, what does the Torah say about how to make major decisions concerning such categories as: job, love, employment, major purchases, etc.? Is there an application from the Torah that can be applied to these and other situations in life?
Leprosy/Tzaraas
I wanted to ask you if the Tzaraas leprosy described in the Torah still exists. It says that if a pink or white patch appears on the skin a Kohen is summoned and he judges it…Does that still happen today?
Learning Without Doing
I am confused. My question is, I am a woman whom has grown up Reformed my entire life and have begun Jewish learning over the past couple of years. Now that I am learning, I am feeling bad about some things I’m not observing. For example, I now know that the Torah forbids eating shrimp, although I’m not ready to give it up. This worries me, since now I know about it and am still doing it. I’m worried G-d is going to strike me down or something. If I would have just stayed at Temple and not gotten involved in Jewish learning I would have no worries because I wouldn’t know anything and therefore not feel bad about anything I’m doing wrong. If I’m not intending, at the moment, to become more observant, is it better that I don’t study so I won’t be more liable in heaven for what I know and don’t do? Or is it better to study anyway?
Lag B’Omer
In temple religious school, our teacher said that in Israel many people light bonfires on Lag B’Omer. She couldn’t really give the reason why they do that. Could you please explain the significance of lighting bonfires on Lag B’Omer?
Kosher Kitchen
We are becoming more observant and considering becoming kosher. If we decide to do so, what process, if any, is available to make our dishes kosher, or must we get all new dishes?
Kosher Wine
I have asked this question and have not had a satisfactory answer
from anyone. If grapes (or apples, or any other fruit) are kosher,
and if grapes are left to ferment, with nothing added and become wine, why isn’t the wine kosher? I have been told that the people who make the wine are not Jews and therefore, the finished product is not kosher. That, in my opinion is nonsense. If cows are kosher, and the milk that comes from them is kosher, does this mean that if the farmer is not a Jew, the milk is not kosher?
There are about 60,000 Jews in the Dallas area who are not affiliated with a synagogue (I am one of them) and answers like this are only causing them (and me) to just give up on Judaism as the answers to common questions like this are meaningless. I am very confused and frustrated.
Kosher: Meat and Milk
I have always had trouble understanding the prohibition of consuming meat together with milk. I can understand if there are certain animals that their consumption has a negative effect on a person. But if an animal is kosher by itself, and the milk is kosher, why should they be forbidden if they’re together?
Kosher Loopholes?
I was with family in New York who are very Orthodox and strictly kosher, so I was very surprised by what I saw happen in their house. They were cooking meat on the stove and one of the children accidentally dripped a couple drops of their ice cream cone into the pot, which I would have thought would have made the whole thing non-kosher. But my cousin, who is very strict about everything and studies Torah every day, came home and said it’s ok because not enough dripped in to render the meat not kosher. I didn’t want to say anything, but it seemed very self-serving; how could he decide that it’s “not enough” to make it non-kosher?! If G-d said meat and milk is treif, why would this not be treif?! Am I missing something?
I would appreciate your answer because this has really been troubling me; in my mind it calls into question their integrity in all they do.
Kosher Fish Oil
I have been suffering from a severe allergy condition for a number of years. It has affected my breathing and overall physical condition in a very profound way. Conventional medicine has not been able to do very much, as the side affects at times outweigh the benefits of the medication. I have been trying the non-conventional route for some time now, and my practitioner is urging me to try taking a very powerful Omega-3 oil supplement, which may be the answer. This fish oil, however, is not kosher, as a significant percentage is from the liver of a shark. Although the shark it’s derived from does have scales, so maybe it is kosher as it has fins and scales? If it is, great, if not, what could I do – is there a way to take this oil if I keep kosher?
Kosher Facility
Could you please explain what does it take for a restaurant to be “kosher,” other than the obvious? Does the restaurant have to be “inspected” regularly? Is there a restaurant hechsher posted somewhere? Who certifies the restaurant’s bona fides? Does a Jew have to supervise or work there and, if so, does he (can the person be a “she”?) have to be in the kitchen, and what is this “official” person “required” to do? Does the restaurant have to employ any Jews? Does it have to be owned by a Jew? I am certain I have lots of questions I don’t have the time to think of…
Kosher: Kashering Dishes
All my life I’ve kept a strictly kosher home. This week, lo and behold, the girl who cleans my house washed the milk and meat silverware together. I’m not sure what to do. My dear mother, may she rest in peace, always said that when this happens you need to bury the silverware for a few days, then you can dig it up and use it. This always seemed strange and a little eerie to me, as if the silverware died or something; besides, it’s difficult for me at my age to do that. Is there another way to fix this?
Kosher Home
We’re getting married soon and are debating whether to have a kosher home or not. It’s a huge commitment, and we’re not so sure if we’re up to it at this point. On the other hand, there are definitely health and spiritual benefits to it, we’re just not sure if they outweigh the difficulties of the commitment involved. Maybe you can help us with our decision.
Kosher Bacon?
I have recently begun keeping kosher and had a philosophical debate with a friend who doesn’t. I want to use soybean sausages and bacon, like Morning Star Farms products that have kosher symbols, because as long as they’re kosher, why not? But my friend argues that if I’m going to keep kosher, to eat “kosher treif,” is just a loophole and not in the spirit of what I’m trying to do. Do you feel this contradicts the spirit of the law?
Kosher
We have always kept kosher, to some degree. I am often challenged by friends who ask why do I need to choose this antiquated dietary system, when today there are many dietary systems, based on modern research, that are far healthier than kosher. Although kosher may have kept us healthier in the ancient world, why do we need to continue that today when there might, in fact, be even healthier systems? Could you please give me some food for thought to be able to answer them? (And myself!)
Knowledge
In religious school, we have been discussing: What is the meaning of knowledge? It seems to be one thing when we consider objects that we can sense with our 5 senses. It feels like we can really know everything there is to know about those objects, so we have real knowledge about those things. But when it comes to something more abstract, like knowing about yourself, that’s more “thought” than knowledge. It seems to be the same about G-d, that we can’t see him with our 5 senses so he’s more thought than knowledge.
Do you agree?
Ketubah
Firstly, I thank you for your weekly article which enriches our weekend, and we look forward to it all week!
Could you please explain what exactly is a ketubah; is it a document of sorts or is it part of the actual act of the Jewish wedding? Why do some people hang it on their wall?
Kedusha (Holiness)
What is the Jewish meaning of “holiness”?
Kaddish for Gaza Slain
I’m sure you read about the controversy in England recently when a group of Jews got together to recite the kaddish for the 61 people killed in Gaza by the IDF during their “March of Return” protests, despite the fact that 50 of them are known to be Hamas operatives. The response of the “reciters” of the kaddish was that, although they might belong to Hamas, they’re still human beings and their deaths are still a tragedy and deserve a kaddish recited for them, and if it was Israelis who were slain then they would have said kaddish for them as well. Personally, I’m torn because I agree that any loss of human life is a tragedy, but the kaddish part somehow doesn’t sound right to me but I’m not sure why. Any thoughts?
Kaddish: Its Meaning (and Pets)
My cat recently died, and I want to know if it’s appropriate for me to recite the kaddish prayer for her? In case this sounds ludicrous allow me to explain. My ex-wife and I never had children, and we have been divorced for nearly 10 years. Through this past, painful decade, this cat has been a big part of my life; she gave me a lot more than I gave her. She gave me connection, she was a cure to my loneliness, and she gave me something to love. Now all that’s gone and all that remains is a hole of loneliness. I know sitting shiva would be going too far, but I thought that going to say kaddish for her would make up for some of that loss.
Kabbalah, Gematria, Holiness (and Maimonides)
I recently heard a class which left me very confused. The instructor, who claimed to be an orthodox rabbi, spoke about Maimonides’ rejection of Mysticism. Among the mystical ideas that he supposedly rejected was that:
The Hebrew language is intrinsically holy [citing the Talmud and Mishna as being against this, i.e. the concept of gematria, etc.]
The Jewish people are a holy nation
The Torah or mitzvot contain any intrinsic holiness, [there’s no intrinsic difference between the Torah and Shakespeare]
The Land of Israel has any intrinsic holiness. He taught that to believe any of the above is idolatrous since it is assigning godliness to things that don’t have it, which is precisely why Maimonides waged a war against these ideas which are truly foreign to traditional Judaism.
So perhaps you could clarify:
Are the above ideas mystical/idolatrous ideas?
Was Maimonides really against mysticism, [as was the Talmud, according to this presenter]?
Kabbalah
I have noticed that you often offer explanations to the Torah from the “Kabbalists” or “Kabbalistic Masters”. Who are these people and how do they differ from the standard rabbinical analyses and explanations? Are they Jewish mystics?
Loving Our Fellow Jew
I’ve been very disturbed by the brazen murders taking place by terrorists in Israel, seemingly without end. I can’t help but think we’re being punished by the terrible discord between fellow Jews in Israel with all the rioting and terrible attacks from one Jew to another. What do you think about this?
The Sanctity of the Human Body
You recently argued, in two columns regarding the “Bodies” exhibit, that displaying dead bodies, in your opinion, flies in the face of the sanctity of the human body. I have trouble fathoming what sanctity there is to the human body any more than any other animal body. I assume you would not take such issue with an exhibit of animal bodies showing their anatomy. I would like to understand why your perspective is so different for humans, necessitating burial and nothing else.
Yahrzeit
What is the basis for honoring a person’s life on the anniversary of their death? Acknowledging the birthday seems like a nicer way to go.
Asher Yatzar
My son recently came home from religious school after having learned that religious Jews recite a blessing after leaving the bathroom. Needless to say, the kids had a good laugh about it, and it became the subject of many jokes. I would like to say something to explain it to him so it would be taken seriously, but I’m not familiar myself with this blessing. Could you please fill me in?
Shabbos Nachamu
Can you please explain the meaning of Shabbat Nachamu? I heard in a class that there are three weeks of Haftara portions leading up to the day of Tisha B’av and then seven weeks of portions of comforting, starting with Nachamu. Why would there be so many more weeks of comforting, and how could we be comforted immediately after the destruction of our people? Could you please provide some explanation or meaning to this period; it would be appreciated!
Divorce or Get: Which Comes First?
I am getting divorced, and I’m discussing getting a Jewish divorce (get) with my husband. My question is, does it matter whether the civil divorce comes first?
Jewish Divorce
I am divorced and interested in remarrying one day in the hopefully not-too-distant future. My ex-husband is not religious and not too interested in doing a Jewish divorce, since in his eyes the secular divorce we had is sufficient. If I told him it’s very important to me, he would probably do it. I’d rather not go there at all if I don’t have to. In this kind of situation is it enough to go to a rabbi to get his blessing to get married or is it necessary to do what it takes to get a Jewish divorce?
Diversity and Other Religions
Is it fair and right for God to let millions of innocent children get indoctrinated into false religions like Islam? Some of those children then believe they should become suicide bombers in the name of Allah. Why doesn’t God help prevent such tragedies by revealing himself more clearly to such people? I’m not asking the Jewish God to force people to believe in Him as their Father, just to give them clear evidence of it, similar to a DNA paternity test. One way he could do this, for example, is to line up all the stars to display the Shield of David, along with the 10 commandments for all to see.
Also, He could communicate with people directly through regular mail, voicemail or even email, if he cared to. But it looks like this only happens in the movies like “Bruce Almighty”. Since most people are of different religions, it seems as if God does not care to develop a personal relationship with most of the planet! Is that right?
Here’s another way of framing the same question: In monotheistic religions, God is regarded as the ultimate father figure. But what kind of father lets some of his children go their whole lives without ever learning His true name? Whether it’s Yah-weh, Christ, Allah or something else, God seems conspicuously silent.
Disasters: Jewish Response, Pt. 2
Last week you wrote that events like the tsunami should be a cause for introspection and self-improvement. But I’m having a lot of trouble philosophically with all the devastation caused, which just seems so random. How could a compassionate God allow this to happen?
Disasters: Jewish Response
My friends and I have really felt devastated by the images we have seen of the tsunami and knowing about all the people who died there. We feel so helpless and want to do something. Is there a Jewish response to all this?
Natural Disasters: What Can We Learn from Them?
We’re all agonizing over the untold suffering going on in New Orleans and throughout the area, and the question of “how could God do this?” is on the lips of many could you offer any insight?
Disasters: Learning and Reacting (Hurricane Katrina)
There’s been much talk about the correct Jewish reaction to Katrina, as we discussed in last week’s column. Much praiseworthy action has been taken by
Dinosaurs
I have been following your column over the past couple of weeks with interest because I am curious about Judaism’s views on the beginnings of life.
I would like clarification about something you said in your May 11 column. Regarding the age of the universe, when describing the mainstream interpretation of the six days of creation, you mention that “God created the world with its oil fields, and the decayed life needed to bring them about.”
With regard to this statement, I bring up an incident that happened to my son five years ago. In his day school here in Dallas, a question arose about how to reconcile the date on the Jewish calendar with the age of dinosaurs. His secular studies teacher was unable to answer the question, and called in the head rabbi (no longer affiliated with his school) to help. The rabbi’s answer was that dinosaurs never existed. He went on to explain that Hashem simply planted dinosaur bones in the earth to test our faith.
So my question to you is, according to the Jewish point of view you are presenting, did dinosaurs exist or not?
Daf HaYomi, Mishna and Talmud
I have a cousin in New York whom I call on occasion, and at times when I call to speak to him his wife tells me he’s “out doing the Doff”. I’m a little embarrassed to ask her what that means, so could you possibly shed some light on this for me? Much appreciated.
Cremation and The Holocaust
In your column of Dec 31st, you explained the importance of burial vs cremation, with respect to the Jewish belief in the Revival of the Dead, the final reward when the body is reunited with the soul, something which may be lost on one who forfeits the body to cremation.
Unfortunately, there are so many of us eternally mourning all the victims of the Nazis, whose bodies were cremated en mass by no choice of their own. How does Judaism deal with those martyrs who never had a choice with respect to the final reward you discussed?
Cremation or Burial
My mother was recently put into hospice and for the first time she’s facing death as a reality. We’ve been discussing burial and her desire, and she has been leaning towards cremation so not to put any financial burden on our family. Something feels wrong to me about that; to me it’s worth a financial stretch to have her buried the traditional way, but I wanted to know if Jewish law is ok with cremation or is there a real reason to prefer burial?
Cremation
As my mother has gotten older she has expressed a desire to be cremated. I have spoken to her about this and reminded her that she couldn’t be interred in a ‘Jewish’ cemetery (And asked her if 6 million Jews being burned wasn’t enough). She has resisted my arguments. I fear that if she dies, I won’t be able to attend her funeral. I could use some help here.
Conversos (Marranos)
I am from Mexico and my ancestors trace back to the Conversos. (We don’t use the common term “Morranos” because of its negative connotation in Spanish, which means swine). We trace our ancestry all the way back to the Spanish inquisition. Although for many generations my family has attended church and lived in Christian communities, they always have lit candles Friday night (in a secretive way) and some other Jewish customs. I recently have become more involved in traditional Judaism, and it has been suggested to me that I undergo a conversion to Judaism. I find this very offensive, as I am very proud of my family history and roots as a Jew. What is the correct thing to do?
Conversion and Support of Israel
I’m incensed over the Rotem bill currently on the floor of the Knesset. I fully endorse the statement of the United Jewish Federations that this bill, which would give full control over conversions in Israel to the rabbinate, could drive a deep wedge between Israel and Diaspora Jews. What right do the Orthodox rabbis have to control such a global and sensitive issue in a country that belongs to all streams of Judaism?
Conversion: Bill of Rights
A convert in Washington drew up a “bill of rights for Jewish converts”. In this piece, she outlines ten issues which face conversion candidates or those in the process, claiming they are afraid of the rabbis, feel victimized, threatened and judged. I personally think she’s right on and have heard similar claims from women in the process. Are you involved in conversion and what is your opinion on what she claims?
Conversion: Children
We are somewhat confused and flustered. We adopted our two beautiful sons from Russia when each one was under a year old, and have raised them as Jews ever since. We were under the impression that if a child is adopted and raised by Jews then the children are considered Jewish. However, during a recent visit to Israel, our cousins told us that the children aren’t considered technically Jewish until they convert. This was difficult for us to swallow and want to find out if it’s true. Also, how is it possible to convert small children if they don’t have the maturity and understanding to accept upon themselves whatever being Jewish entails?
Conversion: Personality Change?
I underwent an Orthodox conversion just under a year ago and have a couple of questions which my rabbi there wasn’t sure what to answer. First of all, I was taught that a convert receives a new, Jewish soul. If so, what happens to the “old” gentile soul I had before? On one hand, it’s invigorating to know I’m receiving something new, which makes me into a “new person”, but it’s also somewhat disconcerting to think that there’s nothing left of my old self. After all, it was my “old self” that was first inspired to take the steps to convert; is that “original me” who made that decision gone forever? It doesn’t seem to be fair!
Secondly, a practical question: Every morning should I be reciting the blessing “shelo asani goy”, …who has not created me a gentile? On one hand, I was “created” a gentile, on the other hand, if I have a new Jewish soul perhaps it’s like I’m “newly created” and could recite the blessing? Thanks for your input.
Conversion: Why?
Recently a non-Jewish friend asked me why someone would want to convert to Judaism. Although I could think of a lot of reasons, I’m not sure which one was the best. What would your answer be?
Conscience
As part of my psychology studies in college I recently heard a lecture on the relationship between the conscience and the ego. Is there a Jewish view of these topics? Are the two concepts contradictory or one in the same?
Conception, Pregnancy and the Beginning of Life
Thanks for your reply. If I understand correctly, then, before 40 days one can talk about life of the embryo/fetus from a biologic but not a halachic perspective? This raises a second question — have the rabbis discussed the status of Adam after he was fashioned but before God breathed life into him?
Conception: The Death of a Fetus in Halacha
Would it make sense to speak of death in halachic terms for an embryo (or developing fetus) before there is a circulatory system functioning? If so, what would be the principle for consideration?
Cohen and Marriage
Why can’t a Cohen marry a divorced woman? Is she less than others because of her unfortunate situation?
Coffins and Burial
A company is selling “a variety of eco-friendly, biodegradable burial products including Ecopod, a kayak-shaped coffin made out of recycled newspapers,” according to the newspaper story, it will also offer “fair-trade bamboo caskets lined w/bleached cotton” and “more traditional-looking handcrafted coffins made of wood certified by the Forest Stewardship Council. “Prices of the biodegradable containers start at about $100 for a basic cardboard box. “Biodegradable coffins are part of a larger trend toward ‘natural’ burials, which require no formaldehyde embalming, cement vaults, chemical lawn treatments or laminated caskets,” the article also says.
This all sounds very Jewish to me (for different basic
reasons, of course); I’d like to know if a traditional burial would be
kosher in a cardboard box or recycled newspaper coffin — since both cardboard and newspaper are basically made of wood to start with. Or might there be other elements in them to render such things unkosher?
Jewish Clothing
I was studying this coming week’s Torah portion of Tetzaveh, which discusses in great length the clothing that had to be worn by the Jewish priests (Kohens) in their service. I was struck by the intricacies in the Torah of how these articles of clothing had to be woven and worn. I wonder why that is so important; why should clothing make such a difference in the temple worship?
Cholent
I have enjoyed having Shabbat lunch by many types of Jews, Ashkenazik, Sefardic, Hassidic, and many variations of the above. One thing I have seen in common, despite many variations of customs, is Cholent. How did it become so widespread that Jews of heralding from myriad countries all decided to eat hot stew on Shabbat morning? Why is it not eaten on Friday night as well?
Christmas Lights
At this time of year I see such pretty lights and decorations all around and I feel like I want to add some sparkle to my home!
Would this be considered avoda zara (involvement with another religion)?
What are your thoughts?
Christianity, Reform Judaism & Chosen People
I am writing this letter anonymously because since you know me, I am more comfortable asking you these questions and sharing my frustrations with Judaism anonymously.
I am a Reform Jew who strives to know God. I say the morning blessings and light candles on Shabbat. I usually go to services on Saturday and attend weekly Torah study. I do not keep kosher but don’t eat pork or shellfish. I say many blessings throughout the day.
So many of the prayers we say are expressing thanks for receiving the Torah and asking God to teach us Torah. Torah is primary. Yet, I study it diligently and find an exceedingly angry and vengeful God. I want to have a relationship with God but do not see that God wants a relationship with me. He seems to have an on-and-off relationship with the Jewish people, but not individuals (unless they are patriarchs or prophets.) I know you are going to say that he wants us to do the mitzvot as the basis for a relationship. But it is unlikely that I am going to do much more than I do now.
I had very abusive parents and our God feels like a continuation of that… ‘Quit whining about your food or I’ll give you something to whine about…’
I was at a Christian funeral last week. I was so moved by the unconditional love that Jesus has for those who believe in him. I wish our God loved us that way. It is very tempting… I do not feel loved by our God. I feel that He is constantly judging me and I can’t win, therefore He will never love me.
In Eastern religions meditation is the key to oneness with the Divine. I practice meditation (without religious content), and find that it brings me closer to a connection with God.
I just don’t understand how Judaism does this. Or maybe it is only for Orthodox Jews. If this is the case, I will never be an Orthodox Jew so I can never have a relationship with our God.
I don’t know if any of this makes sense. I am just very frustrated with Judaism because it does not seem to offer me a way to connect with G-d as an individual.
Why is the Virgin Birth Not Accepted by Jews
Why is it that the Jewish people…who believe that God created the earth and everything in it (from nothing), flooded the earth, talked to Moses through a burning bush (that did not burn up), delivered the plagues in Egypt (except protected the Israelites), parted the Red Sea (which defies the laws of physics), and countless other miracles (which no one can explain naturally), find it impossible to believe for God to have a virgin woman impregnated without a man?
Chosen People
Why are the Jewish people called the Chosen People and not the Chinese, Hispanics, or Christians for that matter?
